Dear Mommy, 

Wow. I really don’t know where to begin. Even saying the words mommy makes me feel uneasy. I haven’t said those words to anyone but you and the last time I can remember, I was 7. 

The reason why I’m writing you is because Mother’s Day is yet again around the corner and usually I would go into isolation. I stopped celebrating when momma passed. 

I would send a text to all my friends who are mothers, stay off social media and watch movies. I don’t even listen to the radio. 

I would get so jealous and upset seeing other people celebrating and loving on their mothers and it was making me angry. When momma was here it wasn’t as bad because at least I had her.

I know you are proud of the work she did. She kept us together like you asked and she did her best with what she had. 

But when she passed, and as I got older, I started to discover just how much mother-daughter stuff I missed out on because you were gone. 

I always wondered what it would be like to hang out with you, talk, get our hair done, have a drink, or even talk about guys. 

I always wonder to myself if we would have had that kind of relationship or would it have been different. 

Some people I know have difficult relationships with their mom and I could never understand why but that’s because you left me at such a young age I never got the chance to know you. 

My last memory of you was when you were in the hospital. I remember we used to visit you often and then all of a sudden it stopped. To tell you the truth, I don’t even know what your voice sounds like.

I try my hardest to think and remember but I can’t. I only know you through other people and sometimes it makes me angry. 
Everyone says how much of a loving and giving person you were.

They talk about how you had a heart of gold, how beautiful you were and how much you love music.  They also say you had this no care attitude when it came to people’s opinion and your mouth was something else lol. 

I always wondered what we have in common. Am I just like you or who do I favor more, you or my father? I always wished I could have had my experience with you. When I look at old pictures, I vaguely remember.

When God took you, I was 7 but three of those years I was California so I’ve really only been around you 4 years of my life. I look at this picture with you, me and my cousin and I just have so many questions.  

Why did I have to go to California? Why did you leave me there for 3 years? What was really going on with you? 

All these questions that I’ve been carrying around with me for years and I believe it’s finally time that I release some of the emotions I carry when it comes to you. 

So, with another Mother’s Day approaching, instead of going into isolation, I wanted to do something different. I decided to write you to let you know how much you’ve played a role in my life even though you’re not here. 

I really wish you could see… but then again, maybe you can.  I can only imagine what your life was like. 


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    3 replies to "Dear Mommy- Here Comes Another Mother’s Day!"

    • Sarah Moore

      I never truly realized how much I needed my mom until she was no longer here. I never realized how much I would miss being able to call and talk to her and wish her a happy Mothers day and hearing her voice respond awe thanks babe. It’s been hard…. and there are so many things I wish I could to talk to her about and get her advice on. My mom and I didn’t have the best relationship when I was growing up. My stubbornness played a big role in that but I get it from my moma lol.
      I think back on all the time I spent mad at her and not talking to her wishing I could somehow get that time back and to have her here with me now. I know that she’s looking down on us all and probably knows everything so I often catch myself looking up at the sky and holding a conversation with her only thing is there is no longer a voice coming from the other end. I thank god for the last couple of years we shared. We were able to mend that broken relationship and there were more I love you’s than ever before. I hold on to those memories those good times and that’s what seems to get me through. My grandmother always told me I am just like her so knowing that is like knowing that I have a piece of you inside of me always.
      Mothers day will never truly be the same without her but I know that she would want me to be strong and courageous just like she was and make the best of it instead of wallowing in sadness. Thanks mom for passing along your traits of what a Mom is supposed to be. Without you I would not be the mother I am today for my children and for that I am forever grateful. I love you dearly and miss you more than you’ll ever know.

    • Quantisha

      This was beautiful Gloria, maybe I’ll do one too! My mother and I have a difficult relationship, so this will probably be hard for me.

    • Felicia

      Gloria, you’re so transparent in your writing and it beautiful! From your description of others memories of you Mommy I see you in some ways. Especially from the Inspiration in 30 today (May 4) my son’s birthday! I’m so sorry for your loss of your Mommy at such a young age! Your strength is amazing! My view of my mom was very complex as a child and I will share that in my own post! You’re strength is beautiful! Enjoy your day and thanks for sharing a piece of your heart with us!

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