One of the most devastating feelings a woman can get is finding out her partner is cheating. Imagine investing everything you have into a relationship only to be cheated on and have your story out in public, especially in the case of Nia Long and Ime Udoka, who are both public figures.
Now, you have several strangers in your business giving you unsolicited advice and making you feel incapable. It truly can be an emotionally devastating experience. In her statement to PEOPLE, Nia Long had to ask that her privacy is respected as she processes the recent events. That is one of the many negatives of men cheating; your bare life is out there for the public to feast on.
First, there is unbelief, like “no, it is just a rumor; he could never do that to me”. Then there is shock and embarrassment, anger and sadness follow closely, and you are struck with an immense feeling of hurt. The questions start to come; “was it something I did?” “was I not good enough?” Finally, when all the emotional phases have subsided for a bit, you are faced with making a decision.
Now, nobody likes to be cheated on. No woman feels indifferent getting news of her man cheating. It strikes something deep within her core. However, you are going to, at some point, need to shut down your emotions temporarily and make a decision.
Here are some tips that can help you handle a cheating situation;
Feel your feelings:
So, the feelings are going to come in a torrent. You need to prepare yourself to feel them in their stages. Suppressing feelings helps nothing. Do whatever you need to do. Scream, cry, journal, whatever it is that you need to do to feel better, do it in full.
Reach out to trusted persons:
Trusted is the keyword here. Reach out to people that you can trust and talk about the entire situation with them. Seek counsel if you need to. See a therapist or a relationship expert; whatever you feel might make you feel better.
Understand that it is not your fault:
Cheating is a personal decision, and for anybody who cheats, it is their call. You need to resist the urge to have any form of resentment or guilt for yourself regarding the situation.
Try to understand how the infidelity happened:
You will need to hear specific details about the scandal from the right sources. This will help you make the best decisions going forward.
Evaluate your options:
After getting the necessary information, you need to make the right decision. Evaluate your options taking into consideration the present and future consequences of this decision.
Make a decision:
Ensure that you have given yourself at least 24 hours to think thoroughly before making a decision. Ignore the feeling of going into fix-it mode instantly, as this can have devastating consequences. Think it through, and decide whether you are going to forgive him or move on with your life.
This period can be very nerve-wracking. Stay around the people that truly care about you, and do not be scared to ask for support from family and friends. One thing is certain; you are going to be alright in the end.