Forgiveness is the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. After the loss of my mother, I forgave others, but reconciliation did not take place of relationships. As an only child I’m naturally an introvert so it didn’t bother me that the relationships were not restored. I was shocked of the actions of people that I looked up to and thought would be there for me. It took time but I moved forward. You have to get to a place and understand that you don’t have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from anyone.
Growing up we are taught that our cousins are sometimes our first best friends. Well to a sense that’s true but on the contrary my cousins were my first abusers. It wasn’t until I was older and understood what had taken place and continued to take place. Often times I’m asked if I forgave my abusers and the answer is yes. I no longer hold anger or resentment in my heart for them. I love them and wish them the best. I learned that I had to release them in order for me to receive. I couldn’t receive the good for holding on to the bad. There comes a point when you realize that you’re still bleeding because you haven’t let go of the knife. Once you release the knife the wound is then able to begin the healing process. Healing takes times and can’t be rush. Like any other injury if you rush it, you take the risk of becoming infected or re-injured. Honestly, who wants to be re-injured?
Forgiveness can be challenging, especially when the offender gives either an insincere apology or nothing at all. But what happens when we commit the offense to ourselves? Sometimes we can forgive others quicker than we can ourselves. After my abuse I blamed myself for years and couldn’t find forgiveness. It’s important to take responsibility for mistakes, but intense guilt and shame are a hard NO. You should not walk around in guilt, regret, and shame. You have to make up your heart and mind to let that hurt go. The process of self-forgiveness can be a painful challenge but deeply valuable. Key to this process is owning up to your mistakes, understanding why they occurred, and helping to rectify the situation.
Why chose forgiveness? Forgiveness is vitally important. It propels you forward rather than keeping you emotionally engaged in an injustice or trauma. Forgiveness has been shown to elevate mood, enhance optimism, and guard against anger, stress, anxiety, and depression. Long story short, FORGIVENESS frees you. It gives you peace that you can’t put in words to explain. Forgiveness and Forgiveness Therapy have been linked to greater feelings of happiness, hopefulness, and optimism. The process of forgiveness can also protect against serious conditions such as anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
I want to encourage you to choose forgiveness. Forgiveness is necessary for healing. There’s not a timeframe to heal. It doesn’t matter if it happened 20 years ago, 20 days ago, 20 hours ago, or 20 minutes ago. When coaching my clients, I always share with them that you don’t want to be “the blind leading, the blind”. In other words, I can’t coach from a place of pain, un-forgiveness, or guilt and bleed on them. Take the knife out of your hand and heal.
Thank you for taking the time out to read my blog. Please comment and share your thoughts and experiences with me on forgiveness.
Please follow me on my social media platforms Facebook, Twitter, & IG at @iamkeishasmith
