Forgive But Don’t Forget: Remember Why Your Ex is Your Ex

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Repairing The Broken Heart

Life After Trauma

By Mira Cassidy

What’s your why? Not your motivational or financial why. Why is your ex… your ex? This is a crucial question and you never should forget your answer. It’s been said repeatedly through a plethora of different sources, “never go back to what broke you.” Why?

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It’s extremely unlikely that your ex has changed. Even if he truly wants to, change is not possible without a firm determination and continuous support that doesn’t allow him to make excuses. Without it, your ex, even if some change occurs, will revert right back into the same destructive behavior as before. If he broke you once, he’ll do it again.

 It’s My Life Now Second Edition explains, “This cycle of abuse is extremely difficult to break. Unless your ex-abuser is genuinely participating in ongoing long-term therapy, specifically designed to deal with people with abusive natures, the cycle will resurface. Rarely does the cycle end on its own. Even with effective treatment, abusers need time and a deep commitment to change. Unfortunately, many abusers are never able to break the cycle and they repeat the abuse with partner after partner” (Dugan, Hock 196).

Maybe he cheated on you. Remember what it felt like the very moment you realized that he had shared his bed, or worse, your bed with another woman? Did your chest burn from the anguish or did you become nauseous?  Did anger like you’ve never known rise from within, allowing only a force greater than yourself to stop you from reacting.

Perhaps he constantly put you down and made you feel lesser than dirt. Did he control your finances or maybe ruin your credit with items purchased solely for himself? Did he attack your mind causing you to doubt your brilliance and talent? Did he tell you no one will ever want you?

The popular saying is “forgive and forget.” In situations like what’s been mentioned, the wisest course of action is to forgive and don’t forget. Forgiveness is a necessary part of life. However, forgiveness takes time. When we forget, we can easily convince ourselves that our ex has truly changed and is “different” now. The chances of that are slim to none! Protect yourself and keep moving forward. Don’t look back!

Mira Cassidy is an Author, Journalist, and Motivational Speaker

Speaking Topics include:

Breaking Free from Interpersonal Abuse, Overcoming Adverse Childhood Experience

Breaking Toxic Cycles, Maintaining Health and Wellness

Email miracassidy@gmail.com and visit miracassidy.

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Mira Cassidy is an Indianapolis author, journalist, and motivational speaker who from a young age found peace and serenity in writing. A love for the art form blossomed in 2015 when she went back to complete her degree after an eleven-year hiatus. There she took additional English and creative writing courses. During those semesters the depth of her creativity was unlocked, and she produced some of her first short stories and additional poems. As a teen she received the opportunity to continue her studies in Telecommunications via the local Youth Video Institute where she developed a foundation in video production, directing, editing, and journalism. This experience allowed her to interview and meet many individuals from different walks of life including a very young Nick Cannon, David Hollister, and Suzanne Taylor. Today, Mira is a very busy and devoted mother of three. She uses her voice to raise awareness to the pain and suffering caused by domestic violence, adverse childhood experiences, and destructive cycles. Also, she advocates for more funding and focus to be brought into area schools to service children who are exceptional learners.

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