Even the most successful women have had to overcome unhealthy habits and behaviors — the occasional negative thought is nothing to beat yourself up about. It can be difficult to recognize the unhealthy behaviors that are setting you back, but once you do, you’re well on your way to personal growth. Addressing and acknowledging these negative patterns will help you be successful in your professional and personal life.
So, what do these unhealthy patterns and toxic behaviors look like? And how can we change them?
Here are the most common ones that people struggle with:
- Being inflexible
At the end of the day, refusing to be flexible in your work and social relationships will only hurt you. The “do it my way” mentality and the urge to control everything will make it really hard for you to adapt to change. And like the saying goes “the only constant in life is change”, so inflexibility can be very limiting.
Of course, you guessed it, the best way to unlearn this unhealthy behavior is by switching up your routine and embracing change. Go to a new restaurant, do something differently at work, let your partner plan a date day and make them keep it a surprise. Doing new things will help you welcome the unknown instead of fearing it. It’s crucial that you lean into change as this is what will propel you forwards in all aspects of your life.
- Being insecure
Having low confidence is something that a lot of women struggle with, especially because they are held to a different standard than men in the workplace. Instead of being assertive and competent, they are expected to be nurturing and emotional. This double standard can result in a lack of confidence and insecurity. Other than in the workforce, low confidence can stem from past trauma or fear. And those who struggle with it tend to surround themselves with “yes” people as they provide reassurance.
To overcome being insecure, you have to learn how to appreciate and accept all of you — you are badass, and need to realize it! Start writing down a few positive affirmations each day that reflect your new desired behavior. These affirmations should be visited during meditation, in the morning before work, or at night before drifting off to sleep. It’s a wise idea to tape your affirmations to your bathroom mirror or wall beside your bed as this forces you to face them each day. These positive affirmations can improve your self-confidence by replacing negative thoughts with positive words.
Remember that unlearning toxic behaviors and patterns is a journey, so be patient with yourself.
- Being overly competitive
While a little competitive spirit is healthy, being overly competitive can deter others and hinder relationships. Depending on the industry you work in, competition can ignore innovation and creativity, driving new services or products. But too much of a good thing can lead to some negative repercussions. When you’re overly competitive, you always need to win, no matter the cost. This desire to win and be right can make you lose sight of what’s actually important.
Unlearning this behavior doesn’t mean that you have to get rid of all of your competitiveness. However, you should work to shift your competitiveness from an “I win” to a “we win” attitude. Your coworkers, friends, and family members will thank you!
- Being self-centered
There’s a big difference between caring about your own happiness and being self-centered. People with this unhealthy behavior tend to make everything about them, which in turn, makes you feel really unimportant. Self-centered folks are usually ego-driven and have a hard time recognizing when they are in the wrong. Self-centeredness can steal your ability to empathize and care for others, leading to poor relationships at work and outside of work.
Journaling and a lot of self-reflection can steer you away from your self-centered tendencies. It may also be helpful to receive feedback from coworkers, friends, or family members, about how your behavior has impacted them. Practicing mindfulness and steering clear of others who display toxic behavior will also ensure that you unlearn this negative behavior.
- Being a bad listener
There are few things worse than a friend or colleague who constantly interrupts you and talks much more than they listen. Bad things can happen when people don’t listen to each other, especially if you run your own business — tasks can get missed, deadlines can be overlooked, and customers can feel unimportant.
Becoming aware of your poor listening tendencies is the first step. When you find yourself wanting to interrupt someone or blabber on for no good reason, stop, reflect, and try active listening. When you practice active listening, you make direct eye contact and take in every word that the person says, and then ask questions to gather more information. Doing this will make those around you feel heard, which is really what we all want at the end of the day.
