Are you a people pleaser?
Because if the answer is “yes,” you aren’t alone. More importantly, it’s not your fault. It’s society’s fault. You–and all of your sisters–are expected to be people-pleasers.
Do you stay at the office late, even though you aren’t getting paid for it? Do you take on chores at home when other, less busy family members or roommates could step up?
There’s a reason you do this.
Women are raised from childhood to accept their roles as people-pleasers. In elementary school, young girls are rewarded for being pleasant and quiet. They’re ostracized if they dare act boisterous like a little boy. Even worse, women are told they’re loud, obnoxious, and pushy when they drop truth bombs and say what needs to be said in the workplace and their personal lives.
In fact, research shows that people-pleasing behaviors are displayed mainly by women.
The Pitfalls Of People-Pleasing:
People-pleasing may sound innocent on the surface. But actually, people-pleasing is a drain on your spirit–the ultimate buzzkill. You’re saying “yes” to someone’s ask while saying “no” to your own happiness for the approval of others. Honestly–who needs that kind of energy in their life?
Compliance and conformity are the two core tenets of people-pleasing. These desires exist in us because we fear ostracism. We want to be accepted. We don’t want to be treated like the awkward kid sitting alone in the school cafeteria. These are deep-seated issues that also involve strained relationships with our parents.
In a nutshell–people-pleasers rely on the approval of others to give them a sense of self-worth.
“No” Isn’t A Four-Letter Word.
“No” isn’t a bad word. It’s a complete sentence wielding far more power than even the most imaginative string of profanities you can put into a sentence.
Saying “no” to people asking you to sacrifice your happiness, well-being, and quality of life means you are finally setting boundaries. You’re also laying down the foundation for healthy relationships.
“No” is the first crucial step to building your impenetrable shield of assertiveness skills.
However, saying no–and setting critical personal boundaries–can be easier said than done.
Overcoming Guilt When Saying “No.”
The struggle to say “no” isn’t lost on us. People-pleasing stems from generational trauma and a lifetime that reinforced the behavior. Breaking this destructive pattern won’t happen overnight.
It’s time to change your view of “no.” For many–who’ve felt the brunt of a society expecting women to people-please–saying “no” causes a sense of guilt.
We’ll say it loud and clear for you to hear: “No” isn’t harmful. ”No” is the new “yes.” It’s affirmative. It’s you staking your claim as a bada** nobody will mess with.
You may have reasons to feel guilty for saying no–which is natural. Guilt is part of the human experience. Learning to live with “no”-related guilt will help you set boundaries, foster healthy relationships, and live your best, most audacious life.
Saying No Means You’re Putting Yourself First.
Do you want to learn to say “no?” with some oomph in your voice (or in your email or text?)
If so, you’ve got to believe in yourself. You’ve got to look in the mirror and truly see the absolute goddess looking back at you.
This way, you won’t fear ostracism or poor treatment for not sacrificing your happiness.
Moreover, you’ll be surrounded by people who build your confidence and make you feel accepted enough to yell “no!” to the skies.For instance, I Loving Me’s network of like-minded sisters will provide helpful tips to say no and emotional support during your self-improvement journey. They’ll also help you achieve all your #SquadGoals with honest, insightful takes about meaningful topics. Contact us today to learn more.