Stop Searching For Confidence


By: Ellie Curry

I remember hearing from a family member growing up that someday I was going to be so confident. A well-intentioned statement left a thought in my young mind … does that mean I am not confident right now? And if I am not confident right now, then how do I get confident. 

For the majority of my life, I spent it thinking confidence was something outside myself. It was something I had to strive for, fight for, change for.  I dyed my hair, I renounced everything I loved, I was on the constant search but all this did was leave me feeling even more hollow, even more, disconnected from confidence. 

Have you ever felt that way? That confidence was something other people had, and you may have even thought to yourself I could have to it once I get my dream job, or once I get a boyfriend, or once I finally lose the weight! However, confidence is not something we obtain from external things. It is actually a feeling we can give to ourselves whenever we want. 


Confidence Comes From Within

It took me a while but finally, I realized I was never going to achieve lasting confidence from something external. Confidence was actually a state of mind. Something that I could create no matter what my external circumstances were. 

You may have experienced this, you thought for a long time once I have my dream job then everything will be okay. So you work your butt off and you finally get the dream job, but life stays the same … why? Because your thoughts, feelings, and perspective stayed the same. You didn’t change from within. 

Confidence is Built Through Love 

So as I was trying to find confidence, I started to hate myself through the process. I stopped listening to my intuition and start to try to mimic other people instead. I would look to a woman I thought had confidence and then try to act like her. This was damaging. Because if you really want to be confident in yourself, you have to learn how to love and celebrate yourself. It is about living for joy and happiness. This includes making sure you are doing things in life that you love. This includes learning how to trust and respect yourself. 

Showing Up Confident Everyday 

To show up confident every day you will need to learn how to become your own best friend. You will need to learn how to have your own back. You will learn how to support yourself in a way that helps you thrive instead of bringing yourself down. 

Confidence is a state of mind, that once you tap into it can take you anywhere you want to go. 



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